This is the sixth post in my weekly marriage series. In these posts, I document what I’ve learned, what’s surprised me, how our relationship has evolved, etc. Feel free to let me know if there are any topics you want me to address. You can email, leave a comment or ask a question on Formspring.
You can see my previous post on my marriage page.
In the words of John Lennon, the formula for a successful marriage seems easy enough: All you need is love.
In reality, it’s not quite that simple. Marriage requires commitment. Patience. Excitement. Passion. Humor. Tolerance. Empathy… Add to that two people with two personalities and two sets of expectations. It’s understandable that marriage isn’t a walk in the park, isn’t it?
The catch is that even if you and your partner are generally on the same page about those fundamentals, it’s pretty much impossible to be 100 percent in the relationship every single day. Anyone who says differently is lying (or needs to call me and tell me their secret).
So, what does this mean in terms of a successful, happy marriage? That is a question that I’m still trying to work out. But, speaking with six months of marriage under my belt, there are two things that I believe to be important.
Don’t get upset about a day or two of “off” connections.
There are two things I know about marriage: One, is that it happens all day, everyday. The other is that it’s between two living, breathing people who still face different challenges.
Naturally, there are just days when the individuals’ moods just don’t gel. Last week, for example, Dan and I were getting into the swing of school and internships. We were going opposite directions most of the time and it never really felt like we were on the same page when we were together.
Looking back, I could have given myself a hard time (and I kind of did) about having a few “off” days. But, what good would that additional stress have been?
That being said, don’t let “off” days become excuses.
This is the tricky part, in my opinion. But, just because you have given yourself the leniency to accept “off” days, don’t let that excuse stretch on for too long.
Last week, in order to get back on the same page, Dan and I talked. We went for a drive. We got some ice cream. We sat on the couch and had a fun pancake dinner.
Basically, we put everything aside and concentrated on our relationship — and, quickly, we were “us” again.
I’m sure that we’ll face this on and off throughout our lives. Sometimes it will be more challenging and more frustrating to get back on the same page. But, it will also be worth it (and not just because of the ice cream).
What do you think? How do you get your relationship back on track?
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